In nurturing emotional intelligence, being a model and leading by example is necessary for our children to succeed. Children learn not only from what we say but also from what we do. As parents, guardians, or role models, our behaviors and reactions set the tone for how our children navigate their emotions. Let's explore how leading by example fosters emotional awareness, using practical examples to illustrate each aspect.
Recognizing Your Own Emotions:
- Leading by example starts with recognizing and labeling our own emotions accurately. Picture this: You're feeling overwhelmed after a long day at work, and you don’t want to play with them right now. Instead of brushing it off the feeling or simply saying you don’t want to play, you say, "I'm feeling a bit stressed right now due to a hard task at work today. I need to take a moment to relax by myself to get into a better head space before we play. I love you, and am excited to play after I work through my emotions." By verbalizing your emotions, you demonstrate the importance of self-awareness and modeling healthy emotional expression and that this is not caused by them.
Understanding Triggers:
- Understanding what triggers our emotions is another crucial aspect of emotional awareness. Imagine you're driving and someone cuts you off, causing frustration to bubble up. Instead of reacting impulsively, you take a deep breath and say, "That situation made me feel angry, but I'm going to let it go." By acknowledging the trigger and choosing a calm response, you teach your child how to manage their reactions in challenging situations.
Acceptance of Emotions:
- Accepting our emotions without judgment is essential for emotional well-being. Last week, a Dad and daughter were inline trying to get a lift ticket situation figured out for quite some time. The seven year old was moping and hanging on her dad. He said, “ Look around at this beautiful mountain, the awesome sky. You can choose to be happy. Just choose to be happy, how lucky are you?” She then cradled her head in between her knees for a while before playing with the snow on the ground, in which he said “I am glad you choose to be happy.” This was a very cringey moment for me. He is simply teaching her to push aside her true feelings to mask it in happiness for him to accept her in that moment. A better path could have been, “I understand this is quite boring and unexciting to wait in line and try to figure this out. Thankfully it is a nice sunny day on the mountain. Do you think you could make a cool mini-snowman to show me after I figure this out or try to throw snowballs and hit that tree branch?” Whereas, we can change our actions and thoughts around a moment, but emotions simply come to us and disregarding them can be harmful in the future.
Ability to Express Emotions:
- Expressing emotions in a healthy and constructive manner is a skill worth modeling. Consider a scenario where you're feeling proud of your child's achievements. Instead of simply saying, "Good job," you express your pride openly, saying, "I'm so proud of you for working hard and achieving your goals." By verbalizing your emotions authentically, you encourage your child to do the same. Or consider the opposite in which you are disappointed a friend didn’t reach out on a shared Holiday. “I am sad my friend didn’t call or text. I understand life is busy and I know they are not trying to make me feel sad, but that’s how I feel at this time. Thankfully I know it will pass whereas, my inner voice of love and appreciation for myself is always the most important. Plus, I am learning, if I like to receive nice notes, maybe I should give them too.”
Empathy Towards Others:
- Empathy is the ability to understand and relate to the emotions of others. Suppose you notice a friend struggling with a difficult situation. Instead of offering unsolicited advice, you listen attentively and say, "I can imagine that must be really tough for you. I'm here to support you in any way I can." By demonstrating empathy in your interactions, you teach your child the importance of compassion and connection.
Effective Coping Strategies:
- Modeling healthy coping strategies is essential for teaching children how to manage their emotions. Take our first example, coming home from work overwhelmed. After telling your child you love them and will play after you relax, you tell them that one of the best things for you to relax is to go for a walk and listen to a podcast. So you will be home shortly to play after the walk. If you don’t have another caregiver around, maybe you need to take a bath while they watch a show, or need to light a candle and practice deep breaths. By prioritizing self-care and stress management, you empower your child to develop their own coping skills.
Mindfulness and Presence:
- Children tend to get this one right more often as they exist and play in the moment. Encourage this by joining them, being extremely present. It could be as easy as “I am going to color this cloud red. I know clouds aren’t usually red, sometimes in sunsets or sunrises, but I just love the color red right now and it makes me think the clouds are excited. What color are you choosing for your grass?” Being present in the moment and mindful of our thoughts and feelings is key to emotional awareness.
Openness to Growth:
- Finally, maintaining an openness to growth is fundamental for nurturing emotional intelligence. I encourage you to always have items you are working on to improve your emotional mental growth and be honest with your child about them. “I go to yoga every Monday because it helps me clear my mind of stressful items and focus on my body and mind connection.” “I write in a journal everyday because I can forget to be thankful for life and existing. Writing about it makes me feel more connected to gratitude.” “I tend to feel frustrated when you don’t listen to me getting ready in the morning. Therefore, I need to work on better strategies for us to get what we need complete and have patience with the process.” And so much more!
Modeling and leading by example is a powerful way to nurture emotional awareness in children and yourself as a teacher. By modeling healthy emotional behaviors and reactions, we equip our children with the skills they need to navigate their emotions effectively and build strong, resilient relationships. So, let's lead by example and cultivate a culture of emotional awareness and well-being in our families and communities.
Next week we will look at active listening! Definitely a muscle to be grown with my 4 year old.